Why do you have a mental health account?
I want to raise awareness for the struggles I've gone through and hopefully meet others who have gone through similar ordeals so I don't feel so alone. Isolation was a big factor of my life for many years. I occasionally use this account to vent, however I don't like "burdening" people with my problems, so I only use this when professionals have failed me.
What are your struggles?
CONTENT WARNING
MENTAL HEALTH
The ones that have been around the longest are attention deficits (similar to ADD) and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Anxiety has almost always dominated my life and I still struggle with some of it today.
Though I don't have much (good) memory of it I know I was bullied majority of my primary schooling. This was almost always because I was "weird". This has caused problems in my life today such as relationships and habits/behaviours, to a little kid not being accepted or having no friends is pretty much the end of the world in their eyes.
Around the age of 9 I would start to cry every night for some reason I didn't know. This could either be the anxiety or early Major Depressive Disorder, which I was diagnosed with at 16. I had a very negative outlook on past, present and future life and couldn't seem to change my thought processes.
From an early age (around 7) I became obsessed with nutritional information and eating the "right" diet. This went unnoticed for a long time. At the age of 11 this developed into Anorexia Nervousa (diagnosed at 12) which again dominated my life. I still struggle with eating disorder habits today but thankfully I am in recovery.
Around the same age I began to self-harm in an attempt to control my overwhelming emotions. I still have scars today and unfortunately our society has a very negative outlook on those who do self-harm so I still try and hide my scars. It was never for attention, despite what some think. The only times I self-harmed in "see-able" places was either in an attempt of suicide or a delusional thought process.
At 12, with the cause still unknown (though many theorise it's everything combined and stress) I developed hallucinations which affected all of my senses. These were very real to me and for years I was delusional and paranoid. Around 16 I stopped having mainly visual hallucinations and instead were replaced with voices. I still hear these voices but luckily I broke out of the delusions and now have better strategies to deal with them. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective (psychosis with depression in my case) at 14 or 15. As a result of this I have been hospitalised many times because my safety was endangered, which unfortunately never helped me and often made me worse. To make matters more unsettling, the ward is the only mental health pediatric ward in the entire state, and is located a 6+ hour drive from home.
Also at that age I began to do things I usually wouldn't and not have any memory of it afterwards. The cause is still unknown but it's very similar to Dissociative Identity Disorder, commonly and infamously known as Multiple Personality Disorder. I say that because this disorder is often stereotyped in movies and media, giving the public a very distorted view of what it really is. People with DID are no more likely to be violent than neurotypical or people without mental illness.
I also have problems like Borderline Personality Disorder traits, though this doesn't affect me much thankfully.
PHYSICAL HEALTH
I have always had problems with tachycardia (high heart rate), orthostatic hypotension (low blood pressure, dizziness when you stand up), and pains with no physical cause like headaches, stomach aches, muscle cramps and joint pain, though these are not as "bad" as the mental health conditions.
Thanks to medication, some of these conditions worsened and I developed non-epileptic seizures, which still occur today but are mostly nocturnal. Again hospitals haven't been the most helpful and was surprised when we were told "there's (almost) nothing we can do" by the hospital, all they can do is follow-up checks, benzos (like Valium and Ativan) and give me oxygen if I stop breathing.
Not sure if this counts but for a few months now I haven't been able to hear properly out of my left ear, at first it was total hearing loss but I found gradually I could hear, just couldn't identify what I was hearing. I had an MRI and apparently my left hippocampus is atrophic and that could be connected.
Why don't you follow me back?
Usually either you followed me long ago and I no longer have the notification, I don't know you, or your content is unhelpful to my mental well-being.
I need help, what can I do in crisis?
Because I live in Australia I only know Australian resources, such as Lifeline and the emergency mental health triage, which can be found on my story highlights (some lines for different states/territories are different)
I am not a professional and cannot provide advice like they do, though please feel free to reach out to me and I will try my best. My advice should never replace a professional's advice
Why don't you support self-diagnosis?
Because I've been through the whole process of thinking I know more and diagnosing myself, it has never been helpful to me. There's a reason you have to study for +++ years to be able to diagnose.
Are you LGBT+?
Why do I feel like this is my family asking this 🙃
I feel like this shouldn't be important or that big of a deal, but it is. So the answer is yes, but my labels depend on your political/social views.
Are you a system/multiple?
I haven't been professionally diagnosed so I can't say for sure, but my guess is yes.
What are your political/social opinions/views?
Probably because I'm still young I don't actually have many strong views, as I can often see both sides of the argument. If you have a specific question, feel free to ask on my Tellonym available from my profile link.
Why do you make fun of mental illness?
I feel there is a great difference to laughing with someone and laughing at someone. I never make fun of things I haven't gone through myself or related to. I use humour to cope with my own situations. Feel free to send me relateable memes.
Do you promote any type of mental illness?
CONTENT WARNING
Big fat NO
Unfortunately in my past I socialised with people who promoted or romanticised mental illness because I didn't realise what effect I had on people. I have realised my mistakes and now strongly oppose it, and will not hesitate to report you if I feel you are promoting something. I am deeply sorry if I ever caused you any harm, it was never my intention.
What are your plans for the future?
I plan to finish high school, which may now take longer due to my health affecting my schooling attendance. Technically I am year 12 (final year) but I am doing year 11 subjects and being grouped with year 11s (second-to-last year)
I then hopefully (depending on my health) plan to go on a gap year at some time in my life, I really want to go to Tokyo to study the language as I loved it when we vacationed there and feel language study could be good practice for higher education.
My dream career is to be a children's mental health nurse, due to my own experiences, and want to change people's lives (in a good way), however I am happy if I do something like child care as I am helping, though in a different way.
What's your experience with the Women's and Children's Hospital?CONTENT WARNING
Boylan
Boylan was my first experience with the WCH. I was brought there for the first time at the age of 15, after a psychotic episode that put my safety in danger. At first it seemed like a safe facility that genuinely cared about my safety. However, they never gave us answers and apparently since I had anxiety, everything was secondary to anxiety and nothing was a primary illness. Even when my stress levels didn't correlate with the symptoms, it was still anxiety to them and they only treated me for that. For quite a few re-appearances to the ER they would give me a Valium and send me back because I was no longer an "immediate danger" to myself or others. Despite them never helping I was readmitted multiple times, sometimes against my own will. Again they never really gave answers but were the first ones to guess maybe I did have trauma in my life, so referred me to a city CAMHS despite having left boarding school and living 6+ hour drive away. We saw CAMHS every fortnight. It was hell getting down there all the time. They also didn't keep me safe and let me out on unescorted leave despite coming into the ER literally kicking and screaming. I wandered the streets for 5 hours in a dissociative mess before I found my way back. I also nearly succeeded in suicide, in a place that was meant to keep me safe. I've heard not one good report about Boylan.
ADOLESCENT/CASSIA - MEDICAL WARDS
Perhaps my best experience with the WCH has actually been it's medical wards. The first time I was there was due to an OD and was put on around 4 bags of NAC. Due to the local hospital, the RFDS and partially WCH I am still here today, otherwise I might not have been. However, my mother met 2 other parents in there, one had a bad experience with WCH in general, and one had a fairly okay experience.
I was put in Cassia due to their being no single rooms in Adolescent due to me potentially having the flu. I was put on a 48-72 hour fluid drip for dehydration and abnormal blood test results. There I read a book peacefully and was visited by the clown doctors, people who visit sick kids to cheer them up. I was surprised they actually appealed to my age, I had a good laugh with them and I am forever thankful to them. Cassia was my best experience with WCH.
Have you been to Flinders?
No I haven't. I've only heard about them and I know they're one of the only facilities for young people with eating disorders. Thankfully I was never medically compromised from AN so never needed treatment there.
Do you have any pets?
1 maltese x shih tzu (dog) called Pepper, named after her colour. 1 blue budgie named Ocean, again for the colour. He says human words too! https://youtu.be/tKzOBWVd8E0
2 current hens, Cinnamon and Nutmeg (you guessed it, their colour too) who are a bit old now and don't lay eggs anymore.
Favourite colour?
I'm torn between purple and indigo at the moment.
What's ENFP-T?
From the Myers Briggs personality types, which categorise the world into 16 different personality types.
E means extrovert, as opposed to introvert. I actually used to be an introvert, but I have changed over time.
N means intuitive, as opposed to observant.
F means feeling, as opposed to thinking
P means prospecting, as opposed to judging
T means turbulent, as opposed to assertive.
That makes me "The Campaigner" which you can read about at 16personalities.com
What's Hufflepuff ?
It's a house from Harry Potter I was "sorted" into, another personality type of thing. They value hard work, dedication, patience, loyalty, and fair play.
What video games do you like?
I'm not really a hardcore gamer, so my favourites are things like The Sims. Lately I've gotten into the Elder Scrolls and Fallout series, but have yet to complete a story line. I play Temple Run and Doodle Jump when I'm out.
My first video game was my mum's old homeboy, which had a 5 in 1 cartridge. At a certain age I was obsessed with Tamagotchis. I loved CD-ROMS. Then I got into Sims through a good friend.
Where do you put your art?
Jasalia.deviantart.com though I haven't uploaded every piece and it's mostly photography.
Favourite movie/TV series?
It's tricky, but my all time faves are Star Wars: Clone Wars, Rebels, and the SW movies.
Favourite songs?
Check my linktree and it leads to my spotify playlist.
